If you’d prefer to listen to this piece, go here (it’s a five-minute listen)

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As you might know from my last post, I’ve just moved house. It’s been a full-on time! Planning. Packing. Logistics. And of course, normal life didn’t stop.

As I got into the work of the move, I noticed something unsettling about myself: I disconnected.

What do I mean by that?

The logistics, planning, and packing had me in my head. A lot. At night, I woke regularly, thinking about what needed to happen next or what I might have forgotten about. I had a hectic mind!

Here’s the thing: by being in my head so much, I disconnected from my heart. 

The truth is that I had very mixed feelings about moving. Part of me was excited, but I also had a strong sense of loss. I loved my last place. And while those mixed feelings occasionally popped up, they didn’t get much attention because my head was too busy with other stuff. I was in action, but not in emotion. I was numb.

Why’s this unsettling? Because while I was getting stuff done, it felt heavy. There wasn’t a lot of joy, creativity, or sense of possibility when I thought about the change ahead.

I’m reminded of Brene Brown’s wisdom: "We cannot selectively numb emotions; when we numb the painful emotions, we also numb the positive emotions.

I reckon that numbness seeped into other areas of my life. Including how I showed up with my partner, my friends, and maybe even in my work.

Here’s the thing: to lead yourself and others, you need to connect. And the most powerful form of connection is not through the head. It’s through the heart. 

People engage and create when they feel something. And they are more likely to listen to you and follow you when they experience your full humanity.

Yes, we need the head-work. But we need the heart-work more. It’s not easy. It takes vulnerability. It takes courage to slow down and check in. And to have the tricky conversations that can range across the emotional map. 

Yet when we lean into this work, people’s experience of change can move beyond something to endure to be an opportunity to actively create a better future. 

‍Head-and-Heart Examples

What does head-and-heart work look like? Here are some examples:

1. Communicating difficult changes: A head-only leader might announce layoffs with perfect logic and financial rationale. A head-and-heart leader acknowledges the pain of the decision, shares their struggle with it, and creates space for people to process their emotions while still moving forward with necessary changes.
2. Project deadlines: When facing tight timelines, a head-only leader might focus exclusively on tasks, timelines, and productivity metrics. A head-and-heart leader is more likely to recognise team stress, celebrate small wins along the way, and connect the challenging work to its deeper purpose and meaning.
3. Team development: A head-only leader evaluates performance based strictly on objective metrics and KPIs. A head-and-heart leader pairs performance conversations with genuine curiosity about career aspirations, personal growth, and what brings their team members fulfillment in their work.

You Can Do This:

• Schedule "heart time": Just as you block time for planning, block 10 minutes daily to check in with your own feelings and those of key team members.
• Check-in before decisions: Before making important decisions, pause to ask: "How do I feel about this? How might others feel? What values are at stake here?"
• Practice emotional literacy: Keep a simple feelings journal or use a feelings wheel to expand your emotional vocabulary beyond "good" and "bad."
• Make connection a priority: When time is scarce, don't eliminate relationship-building. Just compress it. Even a genuine two-minute conversation can maintain a heart connection during busy periods.

How are you showing up to change right now? Head-only, or head-and-heart?

‍For more like this, check out:

‍Why Creating Space Matters More Than Efficiency | Simon Dowling on Intentional Leadership (podcast)

‍This is Hard (article)

‍Come Down From the Stage (article)

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